I remember
by AleciaB
Summary: A little story about everything that was said on the ground at the cemetery other than those three words. Maybe KB had a lot more to reflect upon that what was obvious.


**I have read many other writer's FF stories, have watched episodes of the show countless time and realise that everyone only seems to notice those three words Castle said to Beckett at the cemetery. This is just a simple little story on the whole dialogue for that pivotal scene for readers to think about.**

"How exactly do you remember it?"

"Verbatim," she whispered before she took a sip of the pink wine, trying to avoid his bright blue eyes that maintained a sober stare less than a foot from her face. It wasn't intimidating her, but was making her feel she was walking on thin ice. They had entered a touchy subject, particularly for him. Previous attempts to talk about it had often led to arguments but tonight he seemed relaxed and interested to know more.

"Verbatim, huh?" He swiped his nose in thought, "That's pretty confident, Kate."

She glanced up at his serious expression, seeing he was already becoming agitated. She calmly said, "Because I do remember everything," she stressed.

For several long seconds, Richard Castle studied his girlfriend's face, particularly the slight variations in her expressions, wondering whether she did remember every bloody detail of that day. He momentarily considered that he could easily recollect most of that day, although there were a few murky memories and many he would rather forget. He sighed.

"Okay. Tell me what I said." His tone alone would challenge her to tell him.

She placed her left palm on his right collar bone and stroked his neck with her fingers, "I don't want to go back to that place, Rick."

"Hey, look at me, Honey," he patiently urged, and waited for her hazel eyes to meet his. "We're back there already," he replied softly.

"I don't wanna go there."

He heard the anxiety in her tone, saw it in her creased brow. "It's safe. You're safe." His finger feathered the indented circular scar between her breasts, and his eyes gazed down upon the faded scar on her left side over her ribs. His left hand stroked her right thigh.

"Castle, we just made love, we're having a drink, a lovely time." She gave him a deliberate doll eyed look in the hope it would put him off his path of conversation. "Why start a fight?"

"I know. Let's just talk about it. Its time." He smiled, reached his hands to her buttocks. They were naked, still warm from sex, their cheeks flushed and for them, they were in an unusual position. He was sitting at the head of the bed, his legs spread out before him and Kate was close, facing him, her bottom seated between his knees, her long limbs tucked over his thighs, heels at his butt.

"We don't ever talk about it. I know you remember, but we also kind of stop there," he explained his hand stroking back strands of her chestnut hair.

"That's because we start arguing."

"I promise." He watched her thinking. "God you are a beautiful woman."

Kate rolled her eyes. Another sip of the wine then she passed the glass to Rick who had a gulp.

"Okay, you're right. We don't talk about it and we should." She caressed his chest using both her hands.

"Then let's begin."

"I love you." She smiled.

He smirked, "Are you repeating me or telling me?"

Kate flourished with laughter, her entire body involved in the reaction, which caused him to laugh. He still found it hard to believe she was sleeping with him most nights nowadays.

"I was telling you. Especially love your chest."

"Yes, I've noticed you have a thing for my chest, and other parts."

She raised an eyebrow as her eyes lingered over his groin. "There are other parts I'm rather fond of."

"Yeah? You're trying to distract me, sweetheart, with your devious mind. What did I say to you, Kate?" He tipped the rest of the wine down his throat then reached for the bottle on the night stand.

She shrugged her shoulders, gazed about the room avoiding his then finally took a deep breath. She watched him fill the glass with her new favourite wine and set the bottle back in its place. She pinched her bottom lip and tilted her head to the right a little as she allowed herself to recollect those pivotal moments that completely changed her life, her soul.

His attention returned to her. "Okay, begin."

"You requested-"

"Requested?" He cut in pulling a confused face.

"If you want me to answer you exactly you can't interrupt me." She took the wine to gain some badly needed courage to spill the information from her memory bank. They had been powerful words when spoken.

"Sorry. Go ahead."

"Should I act it out? Be you."

"Kate," he firmly said then smiled and gave her bare thighs a playful rub, "What the hell. Act it out if it's easier for you."

She took another gulp of wine, swished it a little then swallowed, "Nope. Straight up."

"If that's what you call this. It will be midnight soon."

Kate glanced to the time. Yep it was a quarter to the hour. She pressed her lips together. "Ready?"

"Yes, Babe," he patiently answered. "From the beginning. Pretend you're telling me a story if that's easier."

It caused her to smile timidly, and then she closed her eyes.

For what seemed an eternity Rick stared at her face, saw her expression change as she transported herself back to what he suspected was the worst time of her life. He saw her inhale just before her eyes blinked open to look at him. He felt his stomach tumble about with anxiety.

"I'm on the grass. You put your hand somewhere near my right shoulder." Her face reflective, her eyes softer and teary, she continued, looking him in the eyes, "You murmured 'You're okay'." She breathed. "Kate." She breathed, and said as she remembered it, "Please Kate, don't leave me, please." She scanned his face seeing how much it was affecting him, breathed. "Stay with me, okay?" Another steady intake of shared oxygen, whispered as he had, "Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate." She finished and blinked several rapid times, aware tears rolled down her cheeks. It hurt to remember. "I must have then passed out." She kind of smiled, feeling foolish because she could repeat it exactly as he had said it a long time ago. "Your face was the last thing I remembered before I woke the following day in pain, in the hospital."

Her statement gave him pause. At first his brow knotted in thought, and then he searched her face to see she was waiting for him to realise something of importance. He took a deeper, contemplative breath. "We're talking about what happened at the cemetery," he breathed, his face losing color, and Kate nodded confirming they were talking about the cemetery. He didn't remember the first part at all, but she clearly did.

Rick's eyes were watery and his Adam's apple bounced about. She saw the pulses in his neck thumping, felt his heart racing against her palm. Suddenly his body jolted, spooking her to sit back and withdraw her hands. His hand slapped his bare chest several times. Wide eyed and face flushed pink he looked down at her.

"Fuck, Kate. This really hurts hearing you say it like that."

"Sorry." She whispered, and sniffed. She stared at the tears that fell from his eyes, hoping that he might see the event from an alternative point of view.

He quickly calmed down, aware she was a little taken aback by his unexpected response. "Did I really say that?"

"What part?" She asked.

"The first bits." He gripped her thighs, seeking refuge, support.

"What part of verbatim don't you understand?" She was kind of teasing him.

He was no longer looking at her face but had his gaze fixed somewhere beyond her left shoulder. He was trying, and failing badly, to keep himself in tact while long buried emotions bubbled to the surface, causing pain in his heart and throat. "I don't remember the first bits," he choked out.

She rested her hand on his left upper arm and gave it a squeeze. "Castle?"

"Mm?" He wiped beneath his eyes, smiled and blinked. "Four months," he mumbled.

She looked at him in confusion. "Four months?" She passed him back the glass. "Have some more. It helps."

"We've been blissfully together for four months." He stated with a drink of the wine, then placed the glass on the night stand beside the bottle with a bit of a stretch of his arm and torso. Kate saw it all, admired the muscles over his ribs that extended, his strong biceps. He was a gorgeous physically and mentally. He returned to face her and put his hands to her jaw.

"Kate." He glanced around the room before his eyes settled back on her. "If you heard me practically plead you not to leave me, why did you keep me away for three months?"

"You remember and focus on telling me you loved me after I was shot. You thought for so long that I was embarrassed but I clutched to your words to survive. You also begged me not to leave you when I was dying," she whispered. It was the first time she had ever brought this up with him. It felt awkward but she needed him to see the event from her point of view.

He shook his head, "I really don't remember telling you not to leave me."

She gave a nod and leaned in closer to his body, touching his hands with her own. "Honey, you pleaded me to stay, not to leave you. I never left you."

"Three months, Kate. Not a word. Do you know how hard that was?"

"I do know. The three months I was gone, I was healing, using all of my energy to get better and get back my life, to you and that day at the swings ….. when I asked you to give me time..."

He nodded, "I know, I agreed and I waited. Would have waited forever for what we have now."

Tears spilt from her eyes, "I never left you. I stayed at your side, beckoned you every day to be there with me." She wiped her cheeks. "I needed time."

A light went on in Castle's mind. She was right. After the shooting, she had hidden away from society, from their friends, all to repair her broken body. Once she returned to the Precinct, she had sought him out as soon as she had regained her normal life: she had found him at the book signing.

"Oh, God." He breathed deeply, his pulse rate soaring. He touched the side of her face, stroking her hair, "I'm so sorry. You were forever faithful, loyal and I didn't see it. I just saw a woman too scared to cross the line, to let me love her. That you made me wait."

"Until I found myself and I was able to give myself to you." She unconsciously bit her lip, her eyes watching his face for a reaction.

"Kate, don't do that." He softly said and smiled.

"Don't do what?"

"Look at me like that. Its adorable."

She smiled, felt her cheeks heat up. "Well, when you looked at me before it made me cry, because I could see what I was doing to you."

"I'm alright."

"Rick," she whispered and took his hand in hers, weaving her fingers into his, "I love you. I can't imagine my life without you now, even back then. Its why I've been so scared, why I was scared to be with you. I don't want to be without you in my life." She stared up at his blue eyes that were almost grey with worry. "I don't want this to pull us apart."

The blue eyes welled up with tears again but he suppressed the emotions. "We're together now," he affirmed reassuringly, "I know you always loved me."

"Always loved you, except at the beginning." She giggled.

"Oh yeah, that line." He leaned in and gave her forehead a kiss. Her temperature was elevated probably because of their previous activities and the stress of talking about sensitive material. He made a mental note to keep a close eye on her overnight. "I understand you a little more now, Katie and love you even more if that's possible. You are a very complex and mysterious woman."

She wrapped her arms about his neck. "Maybe I could expose a little bit more of me."

"Um…" He let his gaze fall down her body, "Pointing out the bleeding obvious here, but you are completely exposed to me and I've had quite a taste …."

She cut him off by kissing his mouth. His large arms embraced her body, lifted her and brought her closer until he sat her straddled on his hips. She was first to pull away.

"Seems you're ready to show how…."

"C'mere." He pressed her back down to his lips. He broke for air, "You're not leaving me."

She smirked. "You're not leaving me."


End file.
